Little Jokes


Little Jokes

Honesty

Teacher: What excuse have you got for being late?
John: (breathlessly) I ran so fast, teacher, that I didn’t have time to think of one

How Can I?

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don’t you do that?
Husband: How can I? I don’t even know her.

Only Five

Father: Have you taken your maths test, son?
Son: Taken already.
Father: Did you get them all right?
Son: Only five wrong.
Father: Not bad! By the way, how many sums altogether?
Son: Five.

Right And Wrong

Teacher writes a sum, 3 + 7 = 9, on the blackboard.
Teacher: Is the sum right?
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right
First Student: 3 + 7 should be 10 and not 9, right?
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Then why did you say 3 + 7 is 9 right?
Second Student: Because you say it is wrong and I agreed with you.

Dead Body Cycling

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him . . . .
Teacher: Bobby, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Bobby: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

The Music

Musician: Is the music sweet?
Boy: It’s more or less like the one which my father plays.
Musician: Is your father a musician?
Boy: No, he’s a carpenter.

Thief For Thief

One day as a husband was having his tea at home, his wife complained to him . . .
Wife: You know dear our new washerwoman stole two of our towels. That crook!
Husband: Which towels dear?
Wife: The ones we stole from the hotel in Miami Beach.

Better One

Bus Inspector: Where’s your ticket?
Traveler: I think I have lost it.
Bus Inspector: Well, that’s not a good excuse.
Traveler: Alright. You suggest a better one.

Sign in the Dark

Silvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Silvia: Your name on this report card.

Make a Sentence

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ellen: I is…
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Keeps Talking

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.

Broke Window

A new prisoner comes to a prison cell.
Convicts: What has happened with you that you are here?
Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It’s unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.

Where are you from?

Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Grad: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "OK — where are you from, jackass?"

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